Hi readers :) .
That wasn't my last post.
This is.

I have created a new blog.
And will be using a new blog URL too.

Thank you all for reading this blog for the past few months or for those who had been tuning in to annwai.blogspot.com, thank you for reading it for near to 2 years.

:) , readers, I appreciated all of you.
And if you would like to continue to read on, do stalk me at...

www.shy-shines.blogspot.com :D .

With love,
AnnWai.

GOGO SHY, GOGO VTA !

Dearest blog.

Whenever I feel upset about someone's words or actions, I have this tendency to remind myself that I have no control over who say what or who do what.
However, I do have a control the way I think, the way I act and of course, the things I say.

For my officially second ex.
I cannot control the way he thinks about me, the things he say about me.
And the way he wanna end this relationship.

After all, it just proves that he was never meant to be mine.
2008, I should have got that hint.
However, the one year I have spent with him is not wasted at all.
Because after all, I have gained insights to many things.

Everyone has 24 hours per day.
No more, no less.
I believe everyone has heard this quote at least once in their life.
Well, if you haven't then you sure do now.

There're some people who can make full use of these 24 hours.
And there're just some people who choose to waste it away.
I used to be someone who waste my time away.
And perhaps, I still do now.
But recently, I am inspired and perhaps, motivated to change that.

I want to make full use of my time.
And make my life more meaningful.

1 October, is another turning point in my life.
Because I met people who inspired me, and just a few hours ago.
I guess, I made one of the most uncertain decisions in my life.

I used to think that the leader of Legends, the JRs of Legends are daosters.
I used to think that the makers of DeathTob are irritants.
But I guess, all those views change.
And I really wanna whack myself for passing judgements.
Again, this is a time where I wanna remind myself that I should never ever judge.
Yupz, not to judge is one of the things I am working on.

Yesterday was a happy day (after the funeral).
I met up with a joker who accompanied me to replace my bank card.
And we chatted for hours before heading for the training.

He is my Gin Shifu.
He shared a lot about his life.
And how he came to be who he is now.
At least, a part of it.
And although he labels himself as the failure in the family, I think he's cool.
Really.

Like Remy Shifu, both of them are inspiring.
Remy Shifu, is someone who really really inspires me alot.
At the age of 17, he's skilled in coding.

Just during supper a few hours ago, I heard he's taking private diploma.
And I was curious because I thought it wasn't possible.
I forgot whether it was Gin Shifu or Zeta Shifu who told me, Remy Shifu's skill is recognize.

Both Gin Shifu and Remy Shifu learnt coding because it is their interest.
And today, they manipulate the sales of the best hack in AuditionSEA.

Of course, that's not the reason why I became their friends.
Although I didn't spend a lot of time with them, I can feel that they are not bad people.
I hope they won't treat me as someone who gets close to them purposely for a reason.

I was telling Sweetheart earlier on that I still feel pain.
But the more I feel the pain, the more determined I am to work harder.

I don't know if I am numb.
Or trying my best to suppress.
I don't know if I really can see the bright side to my life.
Or am I just pretending to be.

But no matter what, I know I am trying my best.
And I know I really really wanna be successful in my life :) .
Because if people can do it, so can I :D .

HuiYee, same old words, hwaiting :D .

PS: This might perhaps be my last post, I am switching to a new address.
After all, new life, new start ^_^ .
AnnWai, will always be special to me.
A special chapter part of my life, but yupz, it's time to let go.
I'll get her max ring for her, as I promised myself.

I hate breaking promises.

They say the more you hide your feelings, the more they grow.
So I'm gonna be frank that I loved you, love you.
For who you are.

And I am also gonna accept the fact that you chose to move on.
So I am gonna move on to I guess.
And no matter how hard that is, I will try my best.

I vow, to try to face up to this pain, an not escape it.
I vow, to become better, and stronger in terms of my characters.

To be the best that I can be.
And to bring happiness and joy to all those around me.

:) , jy, me.

VTA :D .

It's hard to imagine, how I can be so seemingly obsessed with something.
But for one of the first few times in my life, this is something I feel strongly for.
And I wanna do well for it because I really hope for a good change in my life.
Be it now or the future.
And for that, I have to trust myself, and trust that I will meet more good people.

LOLZ, good morning world.
Time to start another day.
Currently, I am hungry.
Today is gonna be a long day.
Especially my mum just warned me that I have to last through the night.
To accompany my ahma.

Sigh.

If you can see my heart.

Went to read the blog that I set up for him, for me.
I wonder if he read it.
And if he will ever finish everything.

After sending so many messages to him.
I guess he's gonna be like.

"I'll never get it across her.
I say one thing she say back so many."

Lulz, if he really think that way, I guess he's really an idiot who up till now still don't know.
I read his messages more than once everytime I get it.

"Looking back at the things I've done.
I was trying to be someone.
I played my part; Kept you in the dark.
Now let me show you, the shape of my heart."

They missed out the blood there.

There you go.

Lulz, not funny.
-_- my heart's broken here.

親愛的，

想一想，看來你生了很多的氣。
受了很多的傷。
讓你背負這些氣和傷，對不起。

快點把這些氣發洩出來吧。
一直以來，都是我在發脾氣。
才發現，你是花了多麼大的力氣才把「生氣」和「難過」壓抑著。

我懂你很累。

真的辛苦你了。
所以，不要那麼傻了。
好好照顧自己的身體和健康。

人生就這麼一次。
好好珍惜。

But let me tell you... you are alone. You are alone when you cross the finish line, you are alone when you do extra miles, you are alone when you don't get the promotion at work. You are alone. When you can learn to deal with being alone and not depend on the support of others, you become a stronger human being. - David Goggins

Saw that quote off somewhere...
It helped me pass through yesterday when I had to go alone.
Lolz, but yupz, I did met nice people and well.
I have a feel my future's gonna turn for the better.
:) , I admire them, him.
And he, especially inspire me because he's young and yet more successful than me.
So, k can.
I'm gonna work hard too ^^ .

*

Still have yet to sleep.
Can't seem to fall asleep.
I know you're prolly not coming back here anymore perhaps.
L, o, l, z.

But.
Like you said.
Not saying, don't mean you don't know.

Being happy or seeming fine and trying to stay positive don't mean I am free from the pain.

Stop being angry.
You'll get old fast.
Smile :) .
You look great when you smile, boy.

I knew it.
He'd delete me.
LOLZ.

Everything's officially over now I guess.
Looking on the bright side, I hope I can, it's not a bad thing.
I have one less ring now.
And of course, I don't have to worry when he'd take off the relationship status.

The scars of his love will never leave me.
It'll always be there.
But scars can be covered up.

I am totally disgusted by his coward-y attitude.
Nevertheless, what goes around comes around.

And I guess, amongst the last things I wanna pass him.
This is one of it.

http://just-giveitup.blogspot.sg/
Login: forthelasttime.jason@gmail.com
Password: A1A1A1A1

I'm sorry that I love you.
I'm sorry things end up that way.

But I've played my part.
Prayed you'll have a change of heart.
If this is what you opt for then well.

Really.
怎么我连分手都迁就着你。

21st Audii Wedding Anniversary.

This song is dedicated to the first man in my relationship life.


21 December 2010, AnnWai and ~Jason coupled.
1 January 2011, AnnWai and ~Jason got married.
21 May 2012, Jason Lee Huang Kee slipped the couple ring on Seah Hui Yee's finger.

From then on, 21st became their anniversary.
21 to her, is a beautiful number.
Because one of her favourite ages is 21.
It would signify that she's old enough.
To make alot more decisions for herself.
Such as her own marriage.

And today should have been a beautiful day when she and her boyfriend went out together.
Or in Audii perhaps, like how they met, years ago and how they got close together again.
Perhaps sometimes she wished, she held on to her stand that she didn't wanna give them a chance.
But at the end of the day, it all comes down to the same conclusion that she has never regretted this relationship.

Every 1st of the month is a special day to her.
It's a new month :) .

But more importantly, it also meant that she has grown up by another month.
With her boyfriend watching her.
Accompanying her, accepting her flaws, and trying to help her discover her virtues, her strengths, even though she may seem to have none.

1 October 2012, Monday, the 21st month Audii Wedding Anniversary of AnnWai and ~Jason.

They were supposed to work together for the max ring.
Slowly, as he promised and they were supposed to get the max ring before Audii falls.
But that promise seem to have diminished.

“回忆还是温热的。
但承诺已经冷却了。”

Even though he may have forgotten that he's supposed to take care of her, for the next 70 years after they decided to be together.
And even though he may have forgotten how he told her he'll always wait for her, love her, be there for her, all those promises and memories, will always be inside her mind, her heart.

She's gonna keep those promises in her heart.
And even if they make her feel cold and empty.
Upset and lonely, she's gonna keep them.
Because those are beautiful promises.
Beautiful memories.

:) .
Jason, happy 21st anniversary <3.

我爱到痛了。 你却留下我一个人，埋葬我的天真。

回忆还是温热的。
但承诺已经冷却了。

我的天真在泪水里沉沦。
孤独它让我无法负荷。

不用假装还爱着。
舍不得还是放开了。

我的天真，早就碎成遍地的忐忑，失去了所有颜色。

这次我真的痛了。
真的彻底醒了。
我试着洒脱，换来的只是伤痕。

我爱到痛了。
你却留下我一个人，埋葬我的天真。

还能够说些什么？
当快乐已经掏空了。

我的天真，早就碎成遍地的忐忑。
努力拼凑着，却再也无法完整。

这次我真的痛了。
真的彻底醒了。
我试着洒脱，换来的只是伤痕。

我爱到痛了。
你却留下我一个人，埋葬我的天真。

我哭得累了。
没有梦是好的。

别再说爱我，你给的全是悔恨。

我爱到痛了，你却留下我一个人，埋葬我的天真。

*

Hi readers :D .
Much apologies for my short hiatus from this blog.
Keke I am back now.
After these few days of no-life playing SIMS and Fishing Joy 1, Fishing Joy 2 and Fishing Life.
Yes, I am this no life, so now you know why I haven't been tuning in to Blogger for quite some time.
Furthermore, a bug strike my Blogged iPhone app, so I wasn't able to blog using my phone, which therefore decrease further, the probability of me blogging LOLZ.

This song is stuck in my head for quite some time.
;eeks, so did some other songs.
I guarantee, all of these songs, are good and awesome songs.
Worth listening :) .

Nothing much in my life recently.
:P .

-poof-

Is it because I am the only one awake in this room now?
Or is it because the night is quiet tonight?

Perhaps, it's more to do with the being the only one awake in this room now.
Because the night is always quiet.

Babe's sleeping like a log.

My skills in Audii have improved.
I just got 800k for Love Mode earlier on, with a single digit miss ;) .
And near 1.1M for Lovely ^_^ .

For the first time in my life, technically yesterday, I did 3 cfms in a row.
In the song Lovely.

I guess my efforts in training has paid off.
Nonetheless, having a good computer and keyboard is important too.
But no matter what, I am proud of myself.

There's somebody I wish to see now.
The comfort I felt when we were together was incomparable.
I can still remember how it feels.
Will be keeping that feeling with me for some time.

Have quite a number of things to do.
Halfway through my lessons already.
5 more lessons to go ^_^ , jy HuiYee <3 !

Nyap.

Nyapnyap.

<3 !

I dreamt of Alee this morning.

Ohwell.

Hahahaz.

That he hug and kissed another girl right in front of me.

;\ .

Perhaps it's a sign telling me he has someone else he likes.

Or that he already has a new girlfriend.

;0 ...

Confession #6

Confession #6 - I believe that when you are in a good mood, good things come in your way.

I guess the sentence itself is easy to understand.
Well lemme just add on the little bit of elaboration ^_^ .

Hmmz, I don't really know how say LOLZ.
-_- okaez, even though not everything goes in my way.
The way I want it to be, but I am learning.

I still almost fall down sometimes, but the good thing is, I didn't really did.
I still hit my head against surfaces, but the good thing is, my head is still intact.
I still have bad luck sometimes, but the good thing is, they're not matters that are unsolvable.

I believe almost every problems in this world can be solved.
With the right mind, right attitude, and resources ;) .

Okaez but that's sidetracking.

I don't know if it's because I am in a good mood, so Lady Luck is shining on me.
Or is it because Lady Luck is shining on me that's why I have good mood.
Either way, I am happy.

In the past, I used to be afraid of admitting that I am unhappy.
Because I am afraid that people or even the high beings who know I am happy will try to claim it from me.

But nowadays, I am just gonna admit that I am happy.

;) , the lessons are happy I guess.
Another reason to why I am probably in such a good mood.

I think I am gonna side track.

LOLZ.

So what inspired me to post this?
My iPhone ;x .
I finally updated my software to iOS6 in the presence of Babe, Brother and Dasao <3 .
Yeahz, the last two came over to Babe's house when I was napping.
Brother brought along the gift he bought for me from Taiwan.
Kekeke, he's so sweet, extremely sweet to Dasao.
Seeing how he reminds her that her phone is too close to the edge.
Seeing how he wears the ring so forever-ly.
Seeing how he wants to be the one to send her right up to her doorsteps even though Babe and I offered to so that Brother has time to travel home.

I am envy.
I envy Dasao.
But at the same time, I am ever so happy for them ^^ .

Yea anyway the main thing is, I updated my iOS and walaooooo.
So many things gone here and there but whatever it is.
I didn't pekcek, didn't panick.

Maybe there're still things missing, I don't know.
But I am just gonna tell myself.
If I really find out what else is missing and they ain't coming back then.
Well, it is perhaps meant to be that way.

;) , I am gonna learn to let go some of the things.
;make.

其實，很多時候我們會不開心是因為我們放不下。
有一句話在我腦海中不停地浮現⋯⋯

“看得開，放得下，沒煩惱。”

Confession #5 !

My life has been pretty interesting these few days.
LOLZ, I am leading quite a no life yet quite fulfilling online life.

And since I haven't make a confession in a long time, I shall make one now.

Confession #5 - I likey the bras from Young Hearts ;D .

LOLZ, girls, if you are looking for comfortable and affordable bras and panties, go to Young Hearts!
They provide the best bras in my opinions amongst all that I have ever tried off.
Perhaps you may think that the undergarments are overpriced.

But heyhey ladies, having a sets of comfy undergarments that fit you is important!
Because confidence comes from within ;D .
And well, within ;x , inner beauty.

And the price stated may not be that overpriced already.
With the confidence it provides and of course, the durability of the wire and cloth.
;) .

Kekeke, I totally am in love with the undergarments from there.
And like Sweetheart, the first time I put it on I am like, wow, this is the definition of a good bra.

LOLZ.
So don't hesitate to buy from Young Hearts!

Confession #6 coming up ;D .

I threw up.
For the third time in life, throwing up after consuming alcohol.
D; , and twice is because of Long Island Tea.
I will never ever ever drink that again.
-_- , I think it did some damage to my brains already LOLZ.

I KO-ed straight on Babe's bed the moment I finish throwing up in her toilet.
At prolly earlier than 12AM.
And woke up randomly at somewhere a little before 5AM.
And flipped around in bed until 7AM plus where I decided to cook maggie -.- .

Prolly too hungry to fall back asleep.

Head's still a little unstable, feel wobbly LOLZ.
But much better now.
Weee~!

Currently at Highlander.
A glimpse at the date suddenly reminded me.

Happy (or not) 16th anniversary !
<3 !

This perhaps may be and most likely will be the last anniversary wishing ever.
16 is the age where we started to talk and get closer.
So I am fine with this.

Keke.

Thank you for taking care of me for the past one year, for putting up with my hot tempers and violent actions, and vulgarities.
Thank you for attempting to heal my broken heart after Eddie.

Thank you for never leaving me and throwing me away at my lowest point.
Thank you for taking care of me when I am sick.
Thank you for bringing me around to see your family, making me feel like I belong somewhere.
Thank you for hugging me to sleep, providing that extra warm for the optimal temperature to sleep in your room.

Jason, ;) , from now on, lemme take it from here, I will be a responsible girl, of my own actions, my own emotions and my own heart.

Dar, I'll miss you.
Will always love you.
But I will always keep in mind the memories we share.

Unless I got a concussion or something.

I am no longer that little girl you once were with, trust me.
^_^ you're right, humans change.
I did too, for the better of course.

Do you know, each and every of our anniversary is like a birthday to me because with every 1st and 21st of the month, I feel that I have grown a littlw more.

It's okaez if you don't know.
Keke.

I love you !

PS: Am feeling a little fuzzy and stomach burning a little, advice to all readers, taking alcohol without eating anything is bad idea !

羅志祥－《不具名的悲傷》

Before I sleep.
This is a song I wanna share with all my readers here !
;) .

It's a song I heard before.
Thanks to Alee.
I think when he was browsing Facebook on his computer.
I didn't download it.
Yet.
Going to ;) .

Somehow, these two to three days, this song has been stuck inside my head.
So here is the song !

Here's the link to the song !

Since they don't allow embedding.
);< !

Enjoy ;) .

A beautiful song with lyrics that suddenly has so much meaning.

I am wondering.
Am I supposed to go through a kind of sadness to understand a song LOLZ.
Because I didn't find this song having much meaning before ;eeks!

That was probably the third time in my life.
I fell asleep watching people play Mahjong ); .

But anyway, I swear if I was awake.
If I could stay awake, I would have been able to watch them!
And learn ;x .
And then I will become a Mahjong pro who will pwnz everyone LOLZ.

Just finished watching Chamber of Secrets with Babe.
Wts, she was damn random.

We're gonna sleep now.
);< !

K can good night~!

Twitter and The Playful Kiss Craze!

@GirIFacts: If a girl cries over a boy, he meant a lot to her. If a boy cries over a girl, she meant the world to him.

@iBoyFriendTips: Its not about finding someone who wont ever fight with you. Its about finding a person that will hold you in their arms after a fight.

Haiz, I think I am addicted to the show ≪惡作劇２吻≫。
I am missing XQ and ZS.
But I am outside now, watching Babe play mahjong LOLZ.
Should I learn..?

Camp at LAN !

Finally back home.
I am such a no life gamer.
D; who camped a total of 7 hours in a LAN shop, wtheck.
But I had fun LOLZ, since I was with babe.

And we met two other guys ;0 .
Who so coincidentally happen to settle down beside us and play Audii too.
And they entered our room.

Wtheck, they're super gay, super pro.

They had a bet to see who will win the game, Guy A and Guy B.
A said if B lost, he would have to break his ring.
B really lost and he clicked the Saffron ring off.

;\ , I swear Saffron is cursed.
Wahhhz.
And he was just right beside me.
I asked him, wouldn't his couple be affected.
And he said bo bianz, a bet is a bet.

On one side, that's really insensitive to his couple's feelings.
However, since I don't know the both of them, I can't judge.
On the other side, it shows he is someone who can do what he said.
At least for that.

The four of us, me and Babe, A and B, played in the same game room.
With Dasao ;D .
And had fun LOLZ because us girls kept suanning them wakakaz.

Albeit we got thrashed badly in the game though.
They're extremely good in 8k.
D; .

Enough of that.

I came here to report that.
I haven't been sleeping for more than 24 hours le.
Perhaps running on my reserve energy for the (10-5)+24...
29th hour ?

Ouch.
My head is starting to spin LOLZ.
But I feel like watching the show ); .
Like continue.

Should I ?

It Started With A Kiss E16 P4/6 Review !

So as promised, XQ managed to get her license as a nurse ;D .
And of course, as her reward, she gets to go Matsu to find her husband.
Who has been there for one year plus plus.

Due to the weather, she reached the place later than she could have.
And got stuck outside the place where ZS stayed.
And she was crying and ranting and then came ZS's voice.

Who fell asleep because he was repairing the roof to brace the house for the upcoming storm.
LOLZ.

After he got down from the roof, XQ of course held him tight in her arms.
Where she offered to tell ZS of all her 'sufferings' from the beginning.
Where he rejected ;p .

LOLZ.

“這密碼鎖的密碼是你的生日，你怎麼連猜都不猜啊，小笨蛋。”

WAHHHHHZ that smirk face damn ass.
LOLZ BUT.
OMG.
K, wtheck.

Did he just slipped her a kiss while helping her carry her lugguage in?
Shyt.
LOLZ.
Overly smexy.
I can't.

And when she fell asleep.
But he's still awake...

“你看起來好累。傻瓜，風雨那麼大還出門，還穿著護士服，不怕遇到變態嗎？”
<kisses her>
“你要是怎麼樣，我怎麼辦？”

My god...

Seriously, one of the thing I love most about this show is that.
The couple in this show is not like the couples in other shows.
Or the usual storylines.

This pair of couple is really very practical.
The guy isn't extremely sweet to her.
He's harsh on her, cold to her, but for the right things, at the right time.
Okaez, maybe sometimes at the wrong time.
But he has his reasons.

And for all that I can see, he really loves her alot.
(Credits to the Joe and Ariel too of course for being so dang natural.)
He's like, smart, good in sports, tall, not-bad looking (although he is supposed to be dang shuai), and he loves her alot, he really loves her alot, can see.

Totally my type.
T^T, XQ so luckyyyyyyy.
She hath such lovely family !
I can't tank.
Shyt.
The next time I rewatch this show again, I are so gonna write a review for each and every single part I watch.
;eeks.
LOLZ.

Omggggggggggggggggggggg.
HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. ?!?!

“你就像海中的波浪。推著我成長⋯⋯”

So ZS decided to go to an island far off from where they stay.
To serve his NS.
And XQ was saying she love him more than he love her.

She was so upset that she did not wanna see him ;eeks.
); .

ZS and XQ's father was chatting up one night and he was explaining to ZS that XQ really obsessed with him and he shouldn't take it to heart.
And ZS was explaining why he chose to go somewhere that far.

To give XS a chance for her to learn to be independent.
And not treat her love for him as the only thing in this work she should work for.

And then the conversation ended with this...

XQ's Dad: “其實湘琴她⋯⋯”

ZS: “她似乎不怎麼明白我有多愛她。”

With each lesson that pass, I feel better.
With every lesson that I attend, I learn something new.
Lolz, somehow, I am inspired ;p .

這種莫名的，不具名的悲傷。

K can't tank.
Am gonna sleep.

Waeeeee.
Wae me cannot adjust back my body clock );< !

Biang ehz.
How come this part applies so well and so.
Machiam fit so perfectly into his and my situation.
Lolz.
Even the anniversary also same date.
Win.

And the way the ZScan remain so nonchalant.
And the way he sat down and asked her to calm down.

Wahhhhhhhz.
It's like watching my story replaying before me.
Lolz, except that I am not the girl, he's not the guy.
Yet in a way we're somehow alike.

Or maybe most couples are like that?
I don't know.
But at this moment, I feel her pain, and his pain.
The look he gave when he wanted to say something.
When he wanted to comfort XQ but he can't bring himself to do it because he is hurting so badly.

Suddenly, I seem to be able to feel Alee's pain.

I really love this show.
Good actors, actresses.
Totally bring out the emotions of the show.
And unlike couples in other shows.
Ariel and Joe look as though they're really a couple.
Damn natural !

No wonder I am so indulged in this show ;x .

But too bad.
The ending of their story and our story is different.
;sigh.

Omgggggg bold confession.
Sweet but not mushy.
Straight to the point !

And omg ZS and XQ.
Omg omg omg.
;D .
Why ZQ so wise and shuai and wise and shuai and.
Yes, I cannot tank.

“生命的價值不在於身體，而在於我們做了甚麼。”

So many things I wanna say.
So many things I think about.
But it all clogs up and so.
In the end, I am just gonna use a "lolz".

And thinking perhaps that suffice, for all the hurt.
That I am feeling tonight.

All I ask is for us to talk properly.
But you wouldn't even do that for me.
For us.

Wish you'd read through that SMS.
Just one day.
Too much to ask for ); ?

"It's hard to say I'm sorry~"

@@.
Gonna sleep.
Ahhhhhz.
Omgzomg.
);< I'm screwed.

我也想要一件天國的嫁衣。

“愛，在孤單中絕望，在絕望中堅強，在堅強後，不停地繼續想著他。”

Quotes put together !

To him:
Because I love you, even if there's one million reasons to leave, I will find that one reason to stay.

To myself:
You don't have to find the reason anymore because no matter how much he loved you in the past, he doesn't anymore.

/edits.

How come this post didn't get published ); ?

Confession #4 !

The day I ~
First met you ~
You told ~
You'll never fall in love ~

Woke up less than 2 hours ago.
;cry !
Body clock why you screwed again ?!

Ohwait, but I finished watching my Pirates of the Caribbean LOLZ.
The 3rd one.

;eeks, missed Annihilate outing as a result of waking up late.
So sad.
Never get to see whether Dylan de skills is how de.
But it seems not bad from online.

(since I online-d on time to play with them awhile LOLZ)

Whatever.
Now, to settle for dinner.

Have I confess that I am getting fatter?
I think.

Kk let that be Confession #4 - I am getting fatter XD !

Hongster never die !!!

Added a post which as supposed to be posted here yesterday at 11.09AM when I woke up.
Turns out that I posted it on the wrong blog LOLZ.
So it's like the 2 or 3 posts back.

Went shopping at Far East (technically) yesterday LOLZ.
And spent on shoes.
Omggggg.
STOP IT.
You're spending too much money, myself.
;eeks.

Hahahaz.
Found out something.
Utterly disappointed.
But is kaez.
I should have always known.
He's an undying hongster.

Horhz, Mr Lee?
;) .

My promise to obtain this diploma.

First time getting my results.
Without you.

I can still remember the day you accompanied me to register for my poly stuff.
And you paid that $100, saying I don't have to pay you back, and if I ever want to, I can pay you back by getting that diploma.

It's that sentence that keeps me going.
I promise you k.
Even if you forgot you ever said that.
I promise I will get my diploma.
I promise that I will do my best to get it.

And I promise I will do both us proud.

Even if by that time, you're attached again to someone else, or married, or whatever.

That promise remains.

Thank you ever, for helping me with my studies, with my dreams.

RELC Auditorium ~!

Ulu siaz this place.
;eeks.
Heng got iPhone ;p portable map.
And of course, thanks to the people I asked for directions on my way here.
And yeshyesh.
Thank you iPhone for allowing me to Google ;D so as to find the stuff I need even though I am at such an ulu place.

Kkkk I am thankful ^_^ .

Song lyrics stuck in my head.

Sleeping's the best, I swear ^^ .

But the waking up part, hmmmmz.

LOLZ a least I am awake now, like, maybe my body clock is adjusting back.

Have to anyway, because I have something on.

I woke up with song lyrics stuck in my head.

I think Babe sang this during out K sessions everytime somehow.

It goes like.

“忍住不哭，我忍住不哭～”

;eeks, sooner or later that song is gonna end up in my phone..!

男孩總說女孩很複雜。
但女孩們要的，就是男孩的忠誠。
和對她們不離不棄的精神。

有時候女孩子發脾氣，只是想要心愛的男孩哄一哄。
可惜，男孩的耐性很快就用完了。

*

On a side note.
Feel like writing a novel.
;eeks.
;) will start on one soon.
Maybe not a novel.
Just.
Something that puts alot of my thoughts together, teehee~

Unpaired.

Yes, I got it, you're unpaired from me.
Enjoyed yourself in Hong Kong and realize you're doing fine without me?
And so you're letting me know, aye?

Aye, roger, no worries.
I catch up pretty fast.

I'll always that last image you sent through that app.

"Laopo happy birthday."
And the hug you drew for me.
That look like a monster catching a girl.

Is k, I will let the memories run through.
Seep through one by one.
And then I will get used to it.

I fine.

Yes, HuiYee, you're fine.

It's so painful to see.
The man I once know.
Now turn into someone, I should not know.
When lovers become strangers.
Why?

I often wonder to myself, why must couple break?
Why can't they remember the reasons to why they got together?
Like I don't understand why couples divorce.
Why can't they remember the day they said their vows.

Lolz.
I'll be fine.
I'm used to it.
I should have knew this long ago.

'

This really is my favourite episode.
When ZhiShu said he looked at XQ before he went off in the morning.
How he told her truthfully how he will feel about the results, like he promised.
How he hugged her in the tend, comforting her.
How he tried to cheer her up by joking about making a baby right then.
How they rubbed their nose together.

And the next episode how she jumping around with a ;arg because he has alot cards.
LOLZ, OMG THEY ARE SO CUTE AND SO.

Haiz.
<3 .

;eeks!!

Came across this on Facebook...

"People always ask me, 'Do you still like him?'
Honestly, I don't really know.
But I do know there's just something about him I can't let go."

;eeks.

Bullseye.

3.52AM.
"For all the joy that you brought to my life.
For all the wrongs that you made right.
For every dream you make come true.
For all the love I've found in you."

I am back at the time we were at Genting.
And he requested this for me.
I cried.

;) , it was a happy moment.
<huggies>

HACKERS IN AUDII AHHHHHZ.

So, while brushing up on my skills these few days, I have been like an inspector saving replays of pros, and of course, quite a few were, non-legit ones.
LOLZ, I managed to get one of my subs into this FAM called AmenityII, and they saved my replay, without me knowing of course.

It was like.
CHUBBI, the leader was recruiting me.
Tragicality, was there playing as well.
He was pro, quite pro.
But I think I am better so I owned him flat ^_^ .
HAHAHAZ.

Anyway, I passed their requirements so they let me join.
D; , Tragicality went out of the room after that first game, which I was trying their requirements.
But anywayyy.

He suddenly talked in the FAM chat in one of the games I was playing.
Saying, "I go eat le. Anyway, she's legit siaz."

Something along those lines.
It suddenly dawned on me that he saved my replay -.- .
LOLZ.
So the leader asked if I am from redbana.
-_- and I purposely told her I was from Singapore.
HAHAHAHAZ.

Okaez, the twist to this is that...
I actually saved the replay of that fella too.
And guess what?

He's a hacker.
LOLZ.
Blue key chance hack, auto key hack, perfect hack, instant show hack.
Is displayed throughout the whole game.

Video Clip of Tragicality Hacking.

Too bad for you Tragicality.
;x , if your account gets banned.
You will be so tragic because you lookey cashy ;D .

But anyway, I kind of like this FAM because they actually acknowledged my presence.
One of the JRs or was it members, actually noticed the way I typed and told me that my typing was unique.

;D ;D ;D .
<3 <3 !

I feel happy when people notice meeeeeee !
Not like I like being in the limelight.
Okaez, maybe I do.
A little.
For the right things at the right moment.
But when people acknowledge your presence, it's one of the best thing ever.
;) .

Better than being ignored, right?
Who likes being ignored.
^_^ .

Pretty or ugly, that important?

Merry evening readers!
No wait.
Happy midnight !
LOLZ.

For the 18 years that I have set foot upon Earth.
Yes, you heard me right, my tone is like a boss.

Well yea, 18 years has passed since I set foot upon Earth and I believe.
This is the first time my body clock has ever been so screwed.
Fancy, sleeping at 1PM plus plus and waking up at near 10PM.
;0 .

This is incredibly.
Hmmz, I don't know, LOLZ.
But I find it interesting.
And I think adjusting my body clock back is a challenge ^_^ .

Came across this on Facebook, yesterday.

My reply is:

I wouldn't blame guys for choosing the pretty girls over the ugly girls.

After all, most guys are just too much of a visual creature to see through beyond the surface.

If given a handsome and ugly guy, who both are good-hearted, I will of course, pick the handsome guy.

Being an ordinary human, of course I will pick the best for myself.

However, if you tell me the handsome fella is a flirt and the ugly chap is a faithful man, I believe, I will go for the ugly bloke.

To you, perhaps the "I don't mind if he's kind" is crap.

But it's really the way I feel.

I would be lying totally if I said looks don't matter to me at all.

However, I will talk to a person, even if he or she doesn't meet the criteria of looking the least pleasant.

Perhaps that person will not attract me enough, but it doesn't mean I will not talk to that person to find out if he or she is good-hearted.

;) , you need to mix around more with the right kind of company, dude.

This world is so realistic.
Sometimes, I am so ashamed to be living in this society.
-_- .

Sometimes, I really wonder.
Is it because I am not pretty, that's why my boyfriends dumped me.
;roar.

But in the end, I always have the same conclusion.
If that is one of the reasons, or the reason, whatsoever, they can go f*** themselves.
LOLZ because the outer beauty of all ladies will die off sooner or later.
And what's left is prolly personality, and the way she carries herself.

Even the muscles of the most macho man will sag when he gets old.
Not to mention us ladies.

;sigh, but what's with this girls vs boys war about who choose over the better looking ones and complain about the entire population?

-_- , shallow people.

JIANG ZHI SHU .
STOP.
STOP SMILING TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT XIANGQIN.
YOU GONNA MAKE ME CRY DAMN YOU.

);< !
I wish someone would love me till that kind of extent too.

I wish I have the ability to make someone smile like no one else can.
;roarrrrrrr !

AHHHHHHZ THIS SHOW T^T.

New spelling for bonkers!

I am going bong-kurse.
LOLZ.

Okaez that's a weird spelling.
Apparently I cannot get along with the JR of Annihilate ;eeks.
);< !

Have been staring at the computer screen for quite some time, no wonder my head hurts LOLZ.

D< !

I just woke up again ;D .

Good morning readers ^_^ .
I am just awake now, yupz.
The monkey in Pirates of the Carribean is super cute.

I finally understood the first story of it.
And finished watching the second story.
Hehz, I think I will be watching the third one today.

Anyway, yesterday night, went singing k at this place.
Which is located at Bugis, called Crown Music Box.

In the end, we sang for four hours.
And it costs like, $26 for each of us.
So, I think it's okaez bahz.

I like the sound system there, seriously.
The toilets are clean as well.
There's a smoking lounge so for it's convenient for me.
XD .

Just kidding, I don't smoke.
;x .

But yea, if your friends smoke, they don't have to worry not having places to go.

What else do I wanna update?
Hehz, I have no idea.
So I'mma sign off now.

Bye !

6.38PM.
Yesyes another update is...
I spammed alot of clothes at Bugis ); ...
Totally broke LOLZ.
But ^_^ I get to have new clothes !

Sweetheart, take care on SV, and happy anniversary to you and Boon.

It doesn't help when Sweetheart keeps asking about the Superstar Virgo.

It doesn't help knowing it's Brother and Sweetheart's anniversary today.

It doesn't help knowing he's overseas enjoying himself with whoever.

It doesn't help knowing my body clock is screwed and I am just about to break down again.

No one can see the tears I shed while wishing Sweetheart happy anniversary to her and Boon through SMS before I sleep, before she step on to the ship.

No one can feel the sound of my heart shattering while I fill in Sweetheart with bits and pieces of Superstar Virgo when she asks.

Good for you, being able to treat as though nothing ever happened between us, able to let me go so soon.

Just unlucky for me, being stuck in my own world of tormented emotions.

Suffocating, you can't see.
Nor can you feel.

See the hidden meaning there?

But you know what?
I am strong.
I can tank all of these ^_^ .

I think.

Singing K !

Singing k is so fun.
<3 one of my favourite hobbies!

LOLZ.

Today's lesson is another inspiring one.
^_^ .

Currently in the K room.
I likey this place.

Will update after bills come.
LOLZ to see if it's value for price muahahahaz !

Obsessed with a new life.

If can, that's what I wanna do.
Lolz, new life,  new start, everything on a new slate.

Earlier on, I saw the word 'maximum' and somehow.
That leads to me thinking of a new guy account IGN in Audii.
LOLZ.

Should I create D; ?!

The number of accounts I am juggling with in Audii is quite a lot already.
T_T gardens, FAMs.

Plus those I borrow from Babe?!
But I really like that name a lot !!
Omg howwwwww.

Should I shut down this blog?

Gently, the stars twinkle.
Softly, the moon shines.
As she lay down, quietly on her bed.
Tucking herself in the covers, she whispers.

"Take away this pain, these memories."

There was no tears, she wasn't crying.
Just imploring for a little release.

My head is absolutely starting to spin already.
I haven't slept properly for more than 24 hours le.
At most is slept at Babe's house for that few hours before I come home to dinner.

Sigh, nowadays, I feel like a monster.

To Jason Lee.

Take care of yourself at Hong Kong.
And have fun there ^_^ .
It's a pity I cannot be there with you.

HAHAHAZ maybe you have a pretty girlfriend beside you.
Or found some pretty girl there.
And you're happy you're like, there without me.

So sad.
I always thought we could go visit Benny together.

Meme Proposal and Sequel of Tim and Audrey.

It was some time ago when I watched this proposal...




And today, it just so happen that I came across this.


Tim: "I promise that I will only be angry if you put Hello Kitty stickers in my car."

LOLZ.
The bride is so pretty omg...
She kind of reminds me of Precious ;) .

Audrey: "I promise to not let your quarrels last more than a day, to not stay angry, after you apologized.
And if I'm wrong, I'll always say sorry."

Tim: "I promise that I will laugh with you in the good times and cry with you in the bad."

Audrey: "... ... and with that I say I do."

Omg.
);, marriage vows.

Tim: "And I promise that I'll always be there for you and I'll always love you."

They look so cute together omggggggg.

I totally feel like an utter bitch ranting and ranting non-stop.
I am back home again.

It turns out the time taken to travel between Babe's house to mine takes no more than an hour.
This is probably faster than taking train.
Less costly too.

I like being at home, because I am prepped up with a lot of things ;D .
Hahahahaz.

Didn't sleep.
Feel damn tired.
Fell asleep at Babe's house just now.
Didn't set alarm because my phone was charing and it was far from where I was lying, and I didn't want the alarm to wake her up when it sounds.

Gonna write diary I think, later.
Been a long time since I last wrote in it >< .

Ignore the bitchy me just now.
Humans always need to vent.
And for me, this blog is my venting channel.
);< !

Self-consolation.

Like all good times will go.
All bad times will pass too.
Was fine without you.
Will be fine without you.

Just wondering.
How can anyone be this way.

You said it's not that you don't wanna love.
It's that you don't know how to love.

Now, that seems something I should be guilty about because I'd hurt you.

But hold on, in the first place, do you know what love is?

To you, the feeling that send your heart racing for three months?

Delete memories, deleting me.

Leaving all the WhatsApp chat groups.
One by one.
Yea, it's so not obvious you're deleting me off from your life.

Go ahead.
Go.

So much for "last romance".
LOLZ, what a joke.
Promises?
Take care of me for the next 70 years?
LOLZ.
LOLZ.

Do you know how it feels to laugh and cry at the same time?
No, you know nothing at all.

You've never had your heart broken, dignity trampled, and all the shits happening at the same time.

I feel so.
Paralyzed now.
With pain.
With anger building up.
If only crying can release nothing.
If only I can forget you in one shot.

Fml, why am I always the one left with memories.

Oh, and if you're thinking I'm selfish for not thinking about you might feel hurt too, think again.

My ahma, your ahma, they're both my ahmas...

I was watching the show They Kissed Again.

Got this scene, the male lead says.

Humans will grow old.
Their health will deteoriate, their actions will get slower.
But the emotions that humans can feel will never face retardation.

I can strongly feel it here siaz.

I see my ahma, I see the other old folks.
Their movements might be slow, they might have some illness here and there.
Some perhaps abit mentally challenged le.

But none of them is not pining for someone to visit them.

When I visit my ahma, some old folks will always be asking your granddaughter uhz?
Your son or daughter de?

I can feel joy from her when she answer them.

And when she keep telling me is okaez, forget it if so and so never visit her.
But I can feel she wished they did came.

It's like.
I wanna cry siaz.

And then when I
see my ahma eyes red.
Wah fuck, that's when I really feel like kicking balls and slapping people.

Alee, I can never get over how you stood my ahma and I up.
I know for once, you tried to make up to me by suggesting we visit her together.

But in the end, it was me reminding you again and again.

Have you ever treated her like your family?

Because honestly, I treated your grandma like mine.

I can never forget how your grandma peeled prawns for me, how she smiled at me, how she generously gave me angbao like I was already married to you, how she tried to strile convos with me despite language barrier.
I love her.

But you?
Lolz.
Suddenly, I am filled with disgust.

老了，你会有遗憾吗？

每个人都会老。
现在年轻的时候，好像青春多的是。

年轻的我们常常为了无聊琐碎的事情，复杂的情感而烦恼，难过。
但迟早我们都会发现，原来我们蹉跎在那些事情和情感上的光阴是白白浪费掉的。

很多人包括我自己，总爱想些有的没的，想着想着又是哭又是笑。

该提醒自己，等到以后老了在想。

看着心爱的阿嬷和身边其他的乐龄人士，我才深深明白什么是，人就算老了，动作迟缓了，但人的情感，绝对不会跟着迟钝下来。

但对于这点，又有多少人明白？
在读这篇博客之前或之后，你又明白我所少？

Suckiest movie I've ever watched - Return of Thor.

Return of Thor is prolly one of the worst movie I have watched and I can't believed I actually spent more than 30 minutes watching and aniticpating something interesting will happen.

They totally turned audience off forthe whole of first two minutes by copying that style of Starswars which is setting up the plot through words scrolling on the screen to tell the audience what happened and it was boring, and because it was so boring, they spent the next ten minutes switching between gunshots and a conversation that went on between Thor and his father but it wasn't even clearly shown, their faces.

And gunshots because the other scene was a robbery at the museum.

The only confirmation that the movie I was spending my time watching wasn't a low budget, fan-made parody of Thor was the fact that the female lead look quite like the pretty girl I remembered from the first episode.

Yea, for the whole time I was watching, I was commenting how it looked like a low budget movie, a badly planned plot, and lousy actors because the way they talk is so monotone and fake.

And it was more like someone in a badly imitation of Iron Man suit using a styrofoam hammer trying to save the world (or his town) with the powers he got from Thor when Thor chose him by Pikachu-iing him when he opened the door.

Funny, you think?
Seriously, no.

It's no wonder it got a 3.0 out of 10.0 for the ratings.
And this damages badly, the image of Thor that got a 9.0 out of 10.0.
~_~ .

School reopen how T^T.

Good morning world !
Aren't you the least proud of me ?!
I snoozed my alarm from 11PM until 1PM before I finally got out of my bed and start preparing.
LOLZ.

;D , I am proud of myself k.
Because I slept at somewhere near 6AM.
~_~ gotta slowly adjust my body clock back.

Else I'm gonna be screwed when it's near when school reopens ;D .

Old pictures, old memories.

Looking through old pictures.
Ouch.
That hurts.
But not for you prolly.
What do you know about pain.

Not like you're the one asking me to take photos.

Ohhhz.
Was it because you knew all these were gonna come?
So you wanna save the trouble of deleting them.

LOLZ just kidding.
I don't know you're that kind of man, Alee.

Oh wait, are you?

-idk-

BAD MAGGIE, scald me D;< !

I am so gonna cry omg.
I asked so many questions and none answered.
); .

I went for two sessions and I only got the notes for one.
WAEEEEYOOOOOO.

On a side note, heng I got take down my own notes for the lessons ;D .

Random fact for now.
I cooked maggie.
And wanted to take the bowl from kitchen to living room.
The bowl was hot.
I never use cloth.
I thought I can tank.
I couldn't.
So my right palm is like, hurting.
); , I think i slightly scalded myself.

Come to think of it.
When I was staying with Alee, I didn't eat much maggie.
Because that naggy old man ;P <3 , forbid me to.
So now I am eating the share back LOLZ.

Ohyea, we didn't make up yet.
I put the ;p and the <3 there because some people's gonna read it as naggy old man with a -.- tone.
But it's not because to me it was really sweet of a guy when they forbid their girls to eat, drink, do anything unhealthy HAHAHAZ.

Miss Seah, stop being unhealthy -_- .

Kkkk !
Starting from tomorrow.

-like as if-

4.27AM.
The hell am I still awake?
But anyway.
Saw some things.

Lolz, bitches I can never forget.
Bitches.
._. .

And then I realize, oh, I blocked them long ago.
LOLZ.

5.07AM.
-_- , I really am going to bed.
T^T I should stop doing this to myself.

BUT OMG I CANNOT TANK THE SHOW DAMN IT.

Woke up with a spinning head );< !

Good morning world !
Yeahz !
It's good morning for me because I just woke up less than 30 minutes ago with the last two digits of the time showing 58.
LOLZ I thought I saw 5.58PM but since it's 5.25PM now I think I woke up at 4.58PM.
I woke up with a spinning head.
Yesh, the wall in front of me, as well as the ceiling was spinning like.
MASSIVELY.
Okaez, that might not be the right adjective here but I suppose you get the point.

K, what should I do now ._. ?

I am a fool for you, wish you'd be a fool for me.

In the midst of watching They Kissed Again.

When I feel I have to blog this.

When I watch show, or look at the other couples out there.
I keep thinking in my heart, wae am I in this state of my relationship.
Especially when I look at shows and I am like.
Why is it only in shows that guys will go looking for their girls when they cannot find them.
And that it is only in show when the girl will hide somewhere and not tell anyone but the guy will find her.

And then I realize.
I had such a boyfriend.
One who went after me when I stepped out of his house.
But I ignored that and board the train.

One who found me when I walked off and cried by myself.
At the top level of the shopping centre.

All these memories never left me.
And it dawn on me more than ever that it's not only in show do things like that happen.
I was a lucky girl who didn't have perfect boyfriends.
But I had boyfriends who loved me with all their hearts.
Just that being stupid, I didn't know.
Didn't appreciate, didn't cherish.
And so they left.

Lolz, who do I blame?

Then again, if they really loved me truly, like I was the one in their life, they'd never leave me.
Yea, they love me, I agree.
But not to the point of no return, like those love stories in dramas.

Wish more guys would look at dramas and learn from them.
Especially those guys who watch anime, watch movies, watch dramas, read mangas.
After watching and reading so much, shouldn't you gain a little more?

Haiz, right now, I wish for a warm hug.
); .

4.59AM.
“就是因为爱你所以才会包容你啊！”

大概明白，为什么你对我越来越没有耐性。
面对我时，越来越不耐烦⋯⋯

5.04AM.
I hope that someday, I will find my own Jiang Zhi Shu too.
D< !
Where did all the good guys go T^T .
Wae me left on the shelf?!

No wait.
Am I that despo to be attached?
LOLZ no way.
I think I am more attached to a microphone and headphone.

My DJ DREAM T^T.

5.11AM.
Is stalking me fun?
;p , those who are reading my blog, it must be tough on you, when you're reading my blog, you have to notice if I started on a new post or continue posting on the old post LOLZ.

Anyway, I am gonna sleep and before I go to sleep, here's a nice song to share with all my readers ;D .



By Yong Hwa from F.T. Island and Juniel, a new artiste.
;) .

I am a monster.

I wanna lock myself up in a room.
Exorcise the monster in me.
So I wouldn't hurt anyone anymore.

One Year Later

Hiyoooooz Onew zao xiah kekekeke.
But their singing still gives me the goosebumps.
>< , beautiful duet.
Love the lyrics !!

Confession #3.

Although this is not the best time.
And I prolly have no mood to type properly.
But I just feel like writing something.

My diary hasn't been written for more than a month I guess.
>< , lolz, next time if I cannot find this blog, I am so gonna regret it when I wanna find out again, what happened during this time of my life.

But anyway, yea, let's go into Confession #3, which was supposed to be my Confession #2.
But a random confession popped out so this has been pushed down to #3.

Hmmz, I think one of the posts earlier on in Confession #1 or the posts that was written after that was supposed to be the opening to this confession.

Well anyway.

Confession #3 - I believe in this famous quote by teenagers around my ages nowadays that "hongsters never die".

I never understood what it meant by hongsters even when I joined ~HoNgStErsx3~ as BluePika.
It was only quite sometime after I joined did I realize that it meant people who flirt.
So to hong means to flirt and if you hong, you're a hongster, so you're a flirt.

It's amusing, yet upsetting, how people keep saying they wanna find 'true love'.
It wasn't so bad in Audii in the past, but recently, this finding real life steads, real life couples, finding gans, finding flings thing have been getting from bad to worse.
In Free-1 and Free-2, the number of non-playing rooms increased, making that channel getting more and more boring, and that kind of rooms are really taking up spaces, so that becomes annoying for people like me who are sincerely looking for a decent room to play.
But that isn't the main point.
The main point is, Audii is a game, and yet now, it seems to have become a platform for people to find their mate there.
Yea mate, because there's even people finding sex partners ._. .

Besides Audii, I have been out on Zoosk, Tagged and explore those social networking site.
Zoosk is definitely and obviously a website for men and women to find their dates.
Be it whether your sexual orientation is straight or not.
As for Tagged, what I believe started out as a platform to make friends, have gradually became a platform for people to find sexual partners, horny chats, and their so called dating partners.

Some people are just desperate.
But some are just flirts out to break hearts.

I have to admit that when I first start out in relationship, it's sweet.
Of course, most relationships started out this way, why else will you wanna be together with the other person, right?

But then again, when humans interact, there're bound to be conflicts.
Like when two surfaces rub together, there'e bound to be friction.
It's the same logic.

For some people, when problems arise in their relationship, they choose to think that it's the end of the relationship.
Like how they can freely say that they love someone forever, they can freely say they want a break up.
Which is why I never believed easily, when a guy tells me he will love me forever.
So being the bitch, I will give the guy a hard time when he tries coming after me.
Which I am totally regretting now for being overboard to Alee.

But k , so as I mentioned, those people only like the sweet moments, the fun times.
And they believe that if there's conflict then it's time to break up.
So they started switching their partners in a few days.
And some may date up to a few person at the same time.

I suppose in that way, it's good because that hongster will never get to be hurt.
And even if he or she does, it wouldn't affect him or her for that long.
So, yea, they never die, because they are generally happy and carefree.

Unless people who are more faithful and fret more over their relationships and how to maintain them.
These people who are more faithful tends to fork out more during a relationship.
So they give and give and some, give until they have nothing to give, so they live on their back up energy while trying to restore their main power source.
And this, isn't an easy process.
A heartbreak isn't that easy to heal.

But it's weird to see how more of these hongsters claim that they're this way because they have their hearts broken.
Or that they're searching for true love.

So, if someone broke your heart, you got to break someone'e heart?
So the vicious cycle goes on, and hongsters often say that "guys/girls are all cheaters, liars" stuffs like that that make me feel pissed off -_- .

Come on, have you dated the whole popularity?

But like the quote suggest, hongsters never die.
There will always be people honging, people who likes to hong.
Even if they're attached.

._. , or people who like to hong because they like to see how people are being played.
I despise this type of people..

Did I stray away from what I wanna say?
I think so.

D; .

Big argument.

It's been such a long time such a heated argument ever sparked off between my mum and I.

It's for the same old thing that happen again.
She bought something for me to eat.
I didn't know, I didn't eat so it's wasted since it has been left there for a long time and prolly spoilt.

I hate arguing, I hate the feeling of it, and I hate being involved in one.
Especially when it's arguing with someone I love.

Yet in this argument, I realize a lot of things.

That.
1) Every relationship should have effective communication.

For my mum and I, the gap has always been there since young.
Since the time my father passed away.
It was a bit by a bit.
And then now, it becomes a huge thing.

My brother and I neglected her because of computer games.
She neglected us because of our stepdad.
And then both parties blame it on the other side.
And then regrets sank in.
If only my brother and I had cared more about her.

The Facebook incident when I scolded her bitch.
Some words that are said can never be taken back.
I really hate myself.
I think I am a monster.

And most of the time, I think I changed to someone I don't know who I am anymore.

2) Once something is broken, it can never be fixed back fully anymore.

Although my mum and I treasure each other a lot, there're some things that will still be a scar on both of us.
How she always use what I said against myself, my heartfelt words, my troubles.
How she's hurt because I didn't pay much attention to her when I was younger and stuffs like that.
Even though we're fine now, at times like this, those things will always rise up again.

So when something, a misunderstanding arise, solve it, before it becomes bigger and before it snowballs and hurts someone or yourself deeper.

3) I miss him.

When I was crying and wishing I could just die, and thinking if I should jump out of the balcony or cut myself, I wish I had him to call.
There was this urge to call him, wishing he would comfort me like he did.
But I know he'll most likely be sick hearing my crying sound and sniffing and he would just ignore me.

I wish I could stay at his house.
But I know, at that moment, it became clear that we can never be together the same, be together anymore...

X-Men First Class.

Good morning world !

Yes, I just woke up.
My body clock is totally screwed.
I woke up to the taste of blood.
And the smell of the shampoo on my hair.
<3 !
LOLZ, I love it when my hair smells nice.
But the blood in my mouth...
D; .

Finally watched X-Men First Class again!
And I realize the guy who's acting as Professor X is the main lead in Transformers.
I think.

I love this actor man.
LOLZ.

XD , good show !

And I was debating.
What is the main ingredient for a good movie?

Good director?
Good actors?
Good plot?

XD, I concluded that all of them were important D< !
It's a team thing, movie is.

Add-ons for 20th Month Audii Anniversary.

Hiyoz, I believe my brains are starting to malfunction.
Scrolling back on the post I wrote for the anniversary, I realize I forgot to share a Youtube video here.
>< , it's a song I happen to came across when I was sitting at the Atrium at my school quite some time ago.
But only went to look the lyrics up like a few weeks ago.

Hahahahaz and so, I shall share it here.
This is dedicated to my Darling.



"Say farewell to the dark of night ,
I see the coming of the sun .
I feel like a little child ,
Whose life has just begun .
You came and breathed new life ,
Into this lonely heart of mine .
You threw out of the lifeline ,
Just in the nick of time ."

I find myself stupid sometimes, for writing and posting all these.
Because it makes me feel like I am a thick-skinned girl trying to beg for the attention of a guy who no longer have feelings towards me.
But everytime when I am sitting in front of the computer or my phone and typing each and every single word out, it just seems like the right and comforting thing to do.

So forgive me for being so selfish and shameless.
I am not trying to get him back.
Just.
Exposing my feelings more than a little.

What what what?

Just finished watching X-Men - Origins of Wolverine.
What a sentimental guy he was.
What a pity he was forced to forget all those memories.
Not bad a show.

I kind of like X-Men.
Usually, in other superhero shows, a bad guy is just created to allow the good guy to win.
So it's like, the bad guy is more of a bridge to amplify the strengths of the good guy.
Whereas for X-Men, there's not really bad guys and good guys, just people who fight for their beliefs.
Magneto just wants to be accepted by humans and not be regarded as freaks.
While the Professor just wants to protect the humans and not let them think further that mutants are dangerous.

Then again, where does mutants come from?
Hahahahaz!

Being back at home feels good.
The second lesson is good.
;) , and I think, I might just fall in love with classes like these.
If there's a chance, I will attend more of it.

My head is aching now.
It has been since I was halfway through the class.
>< .

"Massage silly girl's head."

Lolz.
Can't deny, I'm crying.
But is okaez, he can't see my tears.

*

Went to Sweetheart's house earlier on before I went off for classes.
Her estate is damn pretty, machiam condo D; !
Even the interior of her house look like a condo as well.
Omgggggg.
Hahahahaz.

And you know what?
Boon and Sweetheart really has to get married.
D< , they have to.
And I wanna be the godmother of their children.
Then I can have cute kids to dress up ;D ;D ;D !

His WhatsApp Status.

Dreamt of him again.
;/ .
Lolz.

Happened to see his WhatsApp status updated 11 days ago.

"Rising in progress."

K can, jy.

睡不着的凌乱思绪。

Read Sweetheart's blog yesterday and I came across this part when she used this trick whereby she fake sleep but actually she's awake and she will pay attention to what people say or do to find out what is their true opinions or feelings towards her.
And there was once she did that, and she felt her ex covering the blanket for her and saying "good night laopo I love you" to her.

I wouldn't deny but I have done it too.

I remember there was once.
I was sleeping in his bed.
And I subconsciously dreamt of them.
Eddie and Alee.
And I kept calling "dear" and "dar" and I felt him stirred.

That kept up.
And I thought I heard his heart shattered because his voice sounded a little distressed when he whispered while hugging me, something like "I wish I know who you really love, but I really love you".
Can't remember but I remember that feeling I had, when I felt this very dejected, and heart sinking aura embracing me and him on that queen size bed.

It was cold, yet warm.
It was one of those memories I will categorize under "Our moments".
Our moments are those times when it was just you and me, and I seriously can feel just us slowly knitting tightly together.

Before everything starts unthreading themselves and falling apart.

躺在床上的我，有点困。
但睡不着。

听着音乐的我，想放轻松。
但心和思却四处狂奔。

我搞不懂男女之情。
真正爱一个人，是怎么样的？
真正爱一个人，你会放手吗？
真正爱过的话，感情能淡忘吗？

是我自己的问题吗？
是我自己看不开吗？
还是因为我不想放开？

我不明白，为什么有些人可以三天两头换男女朋友。
对我来说，重新认识一个人好累。

我不明白，为什么有些人可以很轻易地说爱，然后很轻易地说放手。
我更不明白，为什么有些人要得到真爱，可是却从来都不肯放进全力维护感情，或在跟一个爱自己的人在一起的时候还和其他异性朋友走得过近。

感情，不是玩具。
可是为什么，以我看，那么多人把感情当作玩具？

好玩吗？
打算玩一辈子吗？

跟很多人上床，值得骄傲吗？
没能力工作就先有小孩，很厉害吗？

可悲。
可笑。

所以，我这个老古板就呆在这里发愁。
愁更愁。

蔡家辉，李煌奇，爱情对你们来说是什么？
你们有真正爱过我吗？
还是说，我只是你们解闷的花生米？

我努力相信你们不是那种人。
但残酷的事实摆在眼前。
恭喜你们，放下得那么快。
自由了，快乐了。
快要找到新女朋友了。

LOLZ.
突然之间，我觉得我好悲哀。
好想哭。

If only there's a guy for me, who'd be able to see through the tears behind my smiles and laughters.
Who'd not say a word to me but just hold me tight in his arms when I am breaking down or feeling upset.
Who's chase after me or look for me when he can't contact me.
Who'd worry and get jealous for me, but tell me in a nice way.

Guys say girls are complicated.
Are we?
We're just more delicate.
Emotionally.
Most of the time, if guys put themselves in our shoes, they'll be able to understand as well.

Superstar Virgo, a ship with beautiful memories.

Derp.
Dork.
Dupe.

Kk whatever.
The above words are just random words I thought of LOLZ.

Char is going on cruise soon.
Superstar Virgo.
So many memories on it.

I'm glad to have gone on my first cruise trip with him.
Lolz, those beautiful memories will always be kept with me.
Can never forget the windy night walks on the deck, when we ran around exploring.

Sometimes, I find myself silly.
Because apparently, I'm the only one harping to those memories, yesyes.
;) but is kaez !

I'm a happy girl ^_^ .

Confession #2.

2.38AM.
Haiz, do you know it feels like to have an interest, to like something, to love something yet the thing you're interested in, you like, and feel the love for hurts you in every single way?

It gives me the goosebumps.
Make my stomach churns.
And send a shiver down my spine.

That's the kind of thing Manchester United do to me now.
As well as United For United.

It's like.
I like United.
And I wish I am like witnessing every goal the team score.
With or without him.

But I can't physically because I don't have the channel and watching live streaming online makes me feel more vex when it keeps buffering.
Emotionally, I cannot tank.
Yet mentally, it's always how I wish I can watch it with him.

Everytime I see someone out on the streets wearing United jersey, I'll be reminded of him.
Everytime I see friends from U4U page post, I feel a little scared to see.

Because I feel so sick to the core that he actually cares about soccer more than he ever did for me.
As much as I love United.
United is like a thorn in me too.

All these time.
Me, spending time trying to blend into his world.
Trying to like what he like.
Which of course in the end I like it too myself.

Hahahaz.

Anyway.
Since post until like that le.
I shall have a Confession #2 bahz.
But this wasn't what I planned as my second confession.

But here goes.
Confession #2 - Although I always keep asking people pei me go Clubbing, I don't like to.

Reasons being.
• The music there is super loud !
• The people there more or less are not that decent.
• Smoke (maybe only Thai Clubs are like that).

So, why do I seem as though I like Clubbing?

Because I can never forget, the time when we were on bad terms.
And we were angry ;arg !
But he smuggled me into the club.
He used his body to block me from the bouncers' view.
And while I was watching the performance, he held my hands, got me off the tall chair I was sitting on (which he let me sat) and pulled me into his arms for a slow dance.
And there was this song that came on.
And he sang it to me while looking into my eyes.

Lolz, one of the best clubbing memories.
One of the sweetest memories.
I cannot tank.

I love this guy.
But why did our love turn out this way ); .

2.55AM.
Back to post again.
Sometimes, I just can't stop memories from invading my mind.
I need some time off things off him.
He's happy without me, or that's great.
I am sincerely glad he's doing so fine without me.
It shows how much I dragged him down so at least he's free now.
But another part of me selfishly feels sad because I cannot get over the fact that he got over me so soon and is living his life so well now.

Lolz, I'm a bitch.
;/ .

Not that I like to raise up the past but yeahz.

At least...
I am facing up to what I'm feeling.
And by pouring them out, I hope to let go of them one by one too ;) .

Saranghae.

Why do we always ignore the one who love us and adore the one who ignore us?
;/ , lolz, the one I wish would talk to me wouldn't.
And the one I wish wouldn't keep providing me with free alarm service.

Kkkk I am vexed.
-flips table-

Just finished drinking Campbell soup.
So so so full now.


Went to Cineleisure.
For the Audii event.
Perhaps the most boring event I have ever went to because in the end, Jess, me and Sweetheart had to self-entertain ourselves LOLZ.

Hmmz.
The door gift this year is nice though ;) .

走过和你漫步过的地方。
传颂着和你度过的回忆。
心动变成了心痛。

忘了我，你快乐吗？

Twitter app crash and Facebook password ahhz !

5.32AM.
Can't believe I actually forgot what was the last password I set for my Facebook.
For both my main and AnnWai ._. so I am just gonna set back to my default.

Ahhhhz brains!
Why you no working well ?!
Roar.

Twitter keep crashing on me );< .
Weirddddddddd.
Shall be using Twitpal.
Hope it wouldn't crash on me again -.- ...

5.41AM.
Suddenly.
I remember what the password was.
It was linked to his computer password LOLZ.

But is k.
n0p0intatall remembering it now.
;0 .

Nice one brains.
A little too slow.
Try again next time ;eeks !

5.52AM.
Happen to look through LINE and found out he posted a United logo picture lolz.
All these time.
Maybe he redownloaded.
Whatever.
United.
Always United.

And perhaps.
The LINE password.
Most likely.
He lied too.

Trust?
Lolz.
Okaez can ;) .

6.05AM.
突然好累。
但想想，有個人思念也是一種幸福。
回憶雖然痛苦，但也有快樂的。
至少，我愛過。

從中學習就好。
一切都會變得更好。

1.55AM.
Going out to sing like madwomen is a fun thing.
Hahahaz.

I am pretty sure I am growing to be more pretty XD LOLZ.

Sometimes I wish life is like a game.
When you're tired, you log out.
When you're happy you stay on.
And when you feel like you're screwed, you recreate a new account and start all over a new.

You can change identity as often as you like, have different personalities yet ultimately being yourself.

But sadly in life, you can't quit.

Today's our 20th month wedding anniversary.
Does it mean anything to you?
;) , after all, the game don't mean a thing to you, doesn't it.

Perhaps a platform for you to know more girls or friends.

A part of me is opening up soon.
I guess.
And when it does, I hope you'll really take your time to read it through.

And then, I'll have no regrets.
Perhaps being able to let us both go too le.
So do me that favour k?
;) .

Hope you're happy.
I love you, dummy.
<3 .="." br="br">

7.30AM.
该来的始终还是会来。
我不否认心里有点难过。
在等多一下子，又会怎样？

一直都这样。
你好心急。

But thank God.
For what we did.
And what we did not do.
Else I'd prolly feel like killing myself.

Sorry JingYee ); .
Thank you, to myself.

Whatever lahz lolz.
You happy can le ^___^ .

7.39AM.
There's no such thing as forever.
Hmmz yea true.
I don't need someone who'll walk forever with me.

But I need someone who's willing to make an effort to make our relationship last.

真的，连见最后一次也不能？
好狠心。
原来，4年的友情，两年的感情，对你来说，一点价值都没有？

但我始终相信，你不是这样的人。
放心，我不会在后面 voodoo 你。
我爱你，所以我会祝你幸福。

我遇见谁会有怎样的对白？

I hate waking up to seeing myself in the mirror and feeling like I just ate some animal raw meat because I have blood stain all over my teeth -_- , the image is horrendous.

Therefore, my conclusion is, I need to see a dentist too.

I just have this sudden feel to blog this XD .

Hahahaz, we cannot change this world, by ourselves, alone.

But we can start and help the change for the better by changing ourselves first ^_^ .

And that's what I am gonna do.

It doesn't matter if the other teenagers are gonna do it that way.

Or have that kind of thinking.

Even adults.

But if I know I am right, then I am just gonna stand by my principles.

And this post is hereby a sort of "opening" for my next post.

Which will contain my Confession #2 ;D !

Stay tune!

PS: There's so many things I wanna do this holidays >< .

Poof-

Inspired to cook.

XQ is so blessed.
Although the meals and dishes she prepared often suck ttm, she still has two guys who're willing to eat it down without complain.

It really inspires me.
This holiday, I wanna learn how cook too XD .
Deal.

When drama drives me mad- ;D !

I never used to be so crazy when I watch drama.
They say if you're 25 and you still believe that dramas will become reality, then you're screwed.
I guess I totally am.

At this rate, I will still be screwed at the age of 30 ;x .

OMMMGGGGG, me can't tank.
Sheesh.
LOLZ.
Kkkk slap me awake ;eeks.

Sometimes, I wish my life can be made into a drama.

So I can rewatch it again and again.

And knowing, it will be a happy ending ;) .

Why do I always rewatch shows I watch before ;eeks !

I just realized I am super retarded.
I wanna rewatch ≪恶作剧之吻≫, and I was trying to buffer it on iPhone Funshion and it stopped loading a lot of times and I realize...

MY HOUSE HAVE THE CD.
D; .

Kk whatever.

OMG LOLZ.
Series One is not bad but I prefer series two.
Hahahaz rewatching series one make me noticed somethings I never took much noticed of.
The lyrics of the songs in the show.
The sweet but not obvious gestures that ZS did LOLZ.

Like the epic one I pause at to type this entry -- he took pictures of XQ sleeping and set one of them as his LAPTOP WALLPAPER HAHAHAZ.

Omg, I can't tank.
-faints-

As promised, first lesson and Confession #1 !

7.09PM.
Okaez...
So as I was saying...
Blogging what I do for the day is too mainstream, hence I shall add in interesting thing like confessions.
;D , everybody love secrets, right !
So I am sharing mine.
LOLZ.
Okaez lahz, not really.
But I came up with this confession idea because it's a way of helping me to understand myself.
;) .
And I believe understanding myself will help me reinvent myself.
So yes, look forward to the new me, people ^_^ .

But before the confession thing starts, I will first blog about the first lesson yesterday of course.
I kind of lost inspiration about what to write on yesterday but yes, generally, even though I didn't gain a lot a lot from the lessons, I actually look forward to the lessons that are upcoming.

Like I said, everyone went there with a reason.
And for me, I have my own as well.
And well, keeping myself occupied doesn't seem like a bad thing because I am jolly well more free now ;D .

On a side note, iPhone looks pretty without a cover.
That's true.
But it looks so vulnerable as well.
;roar !

Back on track.
Yesyes, that's generally what I wanna disclose about the lessons LOLZ.

Next is my confession.

Let's see.
Confession #1: I have lost confidence in relationship.

Hmmz, perhaps, to you who are reading this, you might be thinking that it's usual because I am at a stage where it isn't working out no matter how hard I try, and it will get better and that this feeling will be gone when this storm is over.
But the truth is, this feeling have always been with me, even before I started my first ever relationship.
And the sad thing is, I have been truthful about this point to my boyfriends but they never really understood what it really means.

Nowadays, a lot of people get together just because they want a companion, and when they meet someone new, they dump the one they're with and move on to the next one.
Being in the modern world, it is not uncommon that people instantly develop an attachment, or interest in "new" and dispose the "old", and sadly, that applies in relationship too.
Therefore, in the modern society, the divorce and breaking up rates are ever increasing.
Kids are starting to date at a younger and younger age.
Although age does not define maturity, but seriously, how many 12 year-olds can meet their true love and understand what it really mean by love?

And like what I saw on Twitter the other day, many young kids nowadays misuse the meaning of the ring on the nameless finger, they simply put the ring there because at that moment, they're so passionately in love they thought it would last forever, only to find out that in a few months after they wore the ring, the relationship is over.

To me, the ring on that finger is important.
I believe I did emphasized this to Alee.
Rings, even the ones in Audii, the virtual ones mean a lot to me.
Not to mention the ones I wear in reality.
I wouldn't simply wear any ring any guy give me on my nameless finger.

He was the first one, to put it on me.
And he was the one to put it on that finger.

Personally, I believe relationship is not just about love.
It's about trust, understanding, honesty, communication and of course, other elements (the list can go on so I shall stop here).
Yes, faith.
Yea, that's one of the more important ones as well.
Commitment.
Relationship is a commitment, as well as a responsibility.
If you choose to step into a relationship, it's only fair to say, you have choose to let yourself involved in this commitment, and hence, it is also fair to say, it is your responsibility to maintain it.

Which is why I never gave up on relationships easily.
Even if the other party may think I am disgusting, I am clingy, I am what.
Old-fashion and slow, for not moving on fast enough.
But that's just me.

I don't know why Alee chose to put that ring on that finger.
Did he really think of marrying me?
Or perhaps to him, it was just romantic and he was just being one of those kids who have no respect for the meaning of the ring?
I don't know.

Because up till this day, there're still a lot of things I don't know about him as a person.
And I doubt he even knows himself that well either.
So well, at least I know, I tried my best.

Ahz yes, I am almost side tracking.
So I was saying the divorce and breaking up rates went up.
And I conveniently witness quite a number of "love you forever" becoming "eff you bastard/bitch" and then a few days later a "you'll be my last romance, baby", kind of situation.
It makes me wonder.
Do people nowadays really value the word "love", so they really understand the meaning of it?
Or do they just get together with someone because they think feelings can develop later and as long as they don't dislike the other party, it's okaez to just get together first and convince themselves they're in love later?

Which is why I told both Ram and Alee, why it takes me a while to open up and all.
But histories just repeating.
So yea, I believe something's just wrong with me.
And I think I better get gone, back to the ancient China kind of society.
;\ , I am THAT old-school.

There is a difference between "like" and "love".
I can still remember how Ram and I started off.
I know, that's "love".
Because we knew what each other thoughts were, even when there's no words being said.
We looked past the imperfections both of us had and compromise with each other.
Oh, it was until the dark days and the cold came when we both just got stuck in the avalanche and died there.

I remember how Alee and I started out and I know, that's "like".
Because, I didn't had respect for him.
I wasn't afraid to lose him.
I took him for granted.
Seriously, I wasn't even treating him like a human.
Except when I think my mood was good or when he tells me he's upset because of something I do that hurt him and that made my heart ached and then I cared for him.

But in the end, what I know is, I love both of them.
Each in a different way.

That's one thing about relationship.
I believe once you really loved someone, you'll never forget about that person.
Even if it's "like" too.
Ram once told me he can still remember his primary school crush.
LOLZ, it was cute.
Hahahaz.
And he'll also keep (her) in his heart.
I think prolly the first girl he ever like seriously liked or loved.
Or should I say, want a serious relationship was.
I could accept that.
Really, because he made me felt like I was the only one that mattered to him.
And that's all I need.
And I understand how important she was to him.
How she made him change.
So yea, I can accept her.
Because she is part of him, and I cannot change that.
The kind of security that girls want from their guys.

I can't express that feeling well.
But being able to accept something for it is, it truly a wonderful feeling.

As for Alee, I never had the security because.
Well, the V thing, and of course, his friendly actions and words with other girls.
And I couldn't feel that special, it was like.
I probably know I am just another girl in his life.
Except for the first few months when he went after me and kept saying he'd take care of me for the next 70 years.

I know he would always love them, his first ex especially, for teaching him so many things, like he said, the good ones and the bad ones.
And I believe when he said he love them, he meant it too.
Although he kept trying to convince me he never had the feel of wanting to start a family with anyone until he met me.

He even told me before when he was with his first ex, he knew they wouldn't last and he knew she can't make it to be his wife.
Yet, deep in both his and my heart, we both know, Alee loves her, perhaps, much more than he ever loved me.

Which is why I kept feeling not special, why I kept pressurizing him to make me feel special.
Because I never had the security.
And perhaps because I didn't love him enough to accept her as part of him.
To not trust him when he said, "I wished I can undo what I did with them, but I can't, they're stains in my life I wanna remove but I can't, but what I can promise you is that, that wouldn't happen again because I have you now, and all I want is you."

Romantic, wasn't it?
Such a sweet-talker even though he always deny it.
Hahahahaz.

Although I always say I don't get melted by honeyed words.
But when a guy tells you something like that, it's hard not to melt.
That only applies, if I have feelings for the guy of course.
Otherwise, nahz.
I can't imagine myself melting at these words if a stranger of someone I do not have feelings for tells me those things.
D< !

And I think Alee has a special feeling or something for 7.
Because I believe I will live longer that that but.
OH WAIT.
Yea, kkkk 70 is long enough.
Because by the time he'd be 94.
;0 .

Security is really important.
Haiz, but as many social networking sites are developing, relationship are at the same time, becoming more convenient as well.
By convenient, I mean, fast, and disposable.
The feelings come fast, the feelings gone fast, then disposed off.

Porn sites, match making sites.
How many people in this world actually catch their partners visiting these sites and cheating on themselves?
EVEN GAMES are becoming a platform for match making, can you believe it?

Oh, perhaps a small confession inside this confession.
I did strayed from Alee and my relationship too.
On the social networking platforms.
That was when I was seriously pissed off with him and I didn't know how to vent except through this stupid way of course.
After I was absolutely serious in maintaining this relationship, I quit those stuff.
._. , but obviously, like always, it's too late.

"It's too late to aplogize~
Too late~"

D; .

So, how am I supposed to have confidence in relationships?
;sigh-

Signing off at 7.42PM.

PS: The reason why my phone was stripped was because I my phone needed to cool down, because I was on the phone with...

DODO !
;D , yea he called.
He's going UK soon.
All the best for his studies.
(Y) !